


Magic orbs and rings of doom

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alcohol, All england wants is he tea damnnit, Blatant Misuse of the Ring of Power, England (Country), F/M, Fluff and Humor, France (Country), Hate Sex, Implied Relationships, M/M, Magic Revealed, Other, Quests, Tea, Work In Progress, england has a tea craving, indiana jones style
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-26
Updated: 2014-01-09
Packaged: 2018-01-06 04:37:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1102488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a magic orb that allows the owner to posses ultimate power and possibly conquer the earth. However, England may or may not have misplaced it. Now the rest of the nations know about it and are hunting it down and knocking on his door. And gosh darn it all England wants is a cuppa tea!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The beginning of the end

The morning began much like any other. England was woken up by his fairy friends and rolled out of bed gracefully. 8am meant tea and a biscuit and then a wash and dressing by 9 and the office at 10. Perfect scheduled normalcy. Or as normal as a nation ever got in times of peace. He looked at his schedule as he set the water on for tea. “Meeting with Minister at 10:30…Trade negotiations with Israel at 1 damn I forgot I was watching Will and Kate’s child this afternoon. With a put upon sigh he began tidying up his living room as he waited for the water to boil. This would be the latest in the line of many children he had been called upon to babysit in his long life and while he did not mind he sometimes wondered if it would ever end. At least this one was cute. The kettle began to whistle and he went to take it off and pour the tea. Right then somebody started ringing the bell. The insistent ring was the giveaway as to who the visitor was. No one but Alfred would smash the button repeatedly. Hastily putting down the kettle Arthur almost ran to open the door. He didn’t want to replace another one when Alfred inevitably got tired of beating the doorbell and then progressed to beating the door down. “Just a bloody minute he called as he navigated around the antiques littering the path to the entryway. Finally getting to the door he opened it only to get immediately smothered in 150 LBs of America . Umph he grunted as America tackled him. Tuning out the others chatter as he tried to breath. After counting to 20 he started fighting to get out of the strangle hold of a hug the other had him in until   
“And that’s when I was like Fuck you, you commie bastard I claim the magic orb of doom because I’M THE HERO!!!!!”   
“Wait what?! England asked suddenly freezing.   
“Haven’t you been listening at all Iggy?” Alfred asked breezily as he moved through the others house to the kitchen to look for food. “Apparently there is this magic orb of doom that will give the owner the power to rule the world.”   
England wanted to drink. It was 8:30am and he wanted a drink. This did not bode well for his sanity. “Says who exactly” he asked tentatively as he walked back to the kitchen. Shooting a glare out the door at Wales and Scotland for letting Alfred onto the porch before he closed the door.   
“Say’s Russia’s boss” said Alfred through a mouthful of vaguely bacon like food. “Apparently it was lost during World War two and hasn’t been seen since”   
England sighed as he looked forlornly at his now tepid over steeped tea and he dumped it setting the pot back on to boil. “That’s ridiculous Alfred” he said trying to inject his normal sarcasm and disdain into his tone.  
“That’s what Germany said” Alfred said as he poured some of Wale’s orange juice into a teacup (England had to resist beating him tea cups were for tea not orange juice) ” but then Russia’s boss had pictures proving that that’s how his crazy ex boss got into power sooooo….” He nodded seeming pleased with the knowledge.  
England was trying not to shift into warlock mode “So who else was at this meeting Alfred” he tried to ask casually  
Swallowing around another piece of bacon-coal Alfred spent a minute thinking. “Germany, Russia, Poland, France, Sweden and Netherlands”. He ticked off on his fingers. At England’s incredulous stare he added “Apparently our bosses figured if anyone had it, or had see where it went, it would be one of us. But none of them knew” he shrugged.  
Thank God for small mercies England thought as he poured a fresh cup reaching into a cupboard to get a packet of P&G Tips. “So what did you all decide to do?” he asked casually as he let it steep.  
“Well we all decided to hunt it down of course” Alfred said sounding as if he was barely biting back ‘no duh’.  
England sighed “Of course you all did” he said reaching for his cup. *ding dong* the doorbell rang.   
Putting it down with a sigh he went to get the door. “Now who could that be” he wondered. As he opened it he immediately went to shut it. “No” he said through the door as the nation tried to open it from the other side. “I am not at home” he said through gritted teeth. Outside he could hear Scotland and Wales laughing. Drinking drinking was a good solution to this whole mess he thought as he tried to keep the door closed.   
“Who is it” asked Alfred finally moving from the kitchen one of Arthur’s crumpets in hand.   
“The Frog” snapped England as France managed to get his foot between the door frame and the door.   
With a grin Alfred reached around him and yanked the door open “Francis” he bounced out with a yell as Arthur crunched between the wall and door   
“Bojuour Mer Cheri” Said France with a grin giving him a hug and pinching his ass.   
Alfred yelped   
Wales rolled his eyes “Its been 200+ years lad you think you would have learned by now”   
With a smirk England nodded as he pried himself out to the porch quickly hiding it with a frown he asked “What do you want France”.   
“I am assuming America cheri has already told you about the ‘orb of doom’” he said with a smile that boded ill. Unlike America France had had centuries to discover Arthur’s weaknesses and tells and he knew that if anyone would know it would be England.  
“Yes he did” Said England with a sniff going back to his poor neglected cup of tea.   
With a wave America and France followed him back inside. “And do you know where it is my dear Angleterre” asked France as he watched him start the pot boiling again.   
“If I did do you think I would tell you?” asked England bluntly as he watched the steam rise.   
“No I expect you wouldn’t” replied France watching closely. “But I do assume that you wouldn’t want certain others to find it if you did in fact know where it was.”   
England snorted as he poured yet another cup of tea. “I suppose that is true” he said reflectively. As the door began to ring yet again. England slammed the pot down so hard he heard the counter crack  
Al he wanted was the cup of tea. Was that too much to ask? He wondered as he trudged to the door again. Spain was on his door step now. “What do you want?” he growled irritated to the point of letting his perfect English gentleman facade slip.   
“Hola mi amigo I heard you might know where the Orb is from France so I thought I would stop by. After all I was once the supreme ruler of the seas!” Spain said with a smile and a wink.   
That. Was. It. It was bad enough that the Frog had already stopped by and Alfred but Spain? With a shriek England launched himself at the other man. “Do you have any idea what a bother you all have been this morning” he asked as he beat the other man into the ground.   
Spain put him in a head lock “You all?” he asked trying to stay out of reach of Arthur’s fists.  
“As if you don’t know” Arthur spit back hooking an ankle around Spain’s leg and pulling him down.   
By this point France and America had come to the door to watch. “Think we should intervene?” America asked looking at the two with some trepidation.   
“It’ll be good for them to get it out of their system” France said with a shrug going back to finish the croissants he had begun baking. “Besides if they off each other then there will be one less competitor in play”.  
America looked over to Scotland and Wales who were watching the escalating tussle with bottles of beer in hand. “Well aren’t you going to do anything?”  
“Na it be good for Arthur to ge’ his ass h’nded to ‘im occasionally” Scotland said with a shrug of his shoulders. Wales nodded beside him as he cracked open another bottle. With a sigh Alfred accepted the unspoken invitation and took it sitting next to them.


	2. It isn't lost its just misplaced!

England held an ice pack to his head glaring at the two other nations in his kitchen. He could hear Wales and Scotland talking to America outside. Damn he had tried so hard to keep him from being influenced by those two. Still it was better that the younger nation was otherwise occupied. Spain and France were both smarter than they looked and _knew_ that he knew that they knew. With a sigh he sat in the kitchen chair closest to him. Watching while Spain fished another icepack out of the fridge and France finished cooking whatever he was working on.

“So Amigo” said Spain settling into a chair across from him. “Time for the truth eh?”

England pouted “I told you I don’t know where it is!”

France turned as he flipped the chicken frying in his pan. “That doesn’t mean that you don’t know where it _used_ to be chere” he lifted his eyebrows knowingly.

With a sigh of defeat England slumped in his chair. “Fine” he said sulking “But I want tea first”.

With a roll of his eyes France put the kettle on yet again.

Spain looked at England. An evaluating look in his eyes. “I don’t suppose Russia’s boss was right about Germany’s crazy boss having it?”

England grunted an affirmative as he got up to get a towel to wrap his icepack in.

“You don’t want America to get involved” It was a statement not a question.

Now it was England’s turn to roll his eyes. “ No Antonio I do not”

With a huff of amusement (England only used human names when he was frustrated or fucking). Spain pulled out some plates for France. Both nations were far too familiar with England’s house. A side effect of having centuries of hate sex with each other.

“Its better to keep chere America out of it anyway” France said thoughtfully. Neither he or Mattie should have to deal with that responsibility”.

“That simply leaves Russia, Germany and anyone else who hears” said England sullenly picking at the Chicken and croissant in front of him.

“Germany won’t go after it” Spain said confidently. “From what Romano has told me the boy (anyone less than 300 years old was automatically a child to Spain) is afraid of the temptations such power would hold”.

“Russia then and Italy”. Said England finally after thinking.

“Italy?” France asked looking amused.

“You would be surprised” Said Spain wryly. “The boy may present as an incompetent fool but he his just as cunning as the rest”.

At the aghast look France gave him he added soothingly “Don’t worry Romano won’t get involved”

“Humph” grunted France as he sat down plate full of steaming food. “So if you ‘used to know where it is’ what happened?”

“I’ll tell ye wha append the git got smashed an lost it.” Came a bored voice behind them.

Turning they saw that Scotland had come in “The kid is still on the porch with Crymuge”  he said in response to their questioning looks

Nodding they settled down until…

“YOU GOT DRUNK AND LOST IT?”

England slipped lower in his chair trying to melt through the floor. “Not lost its just misplaced”

He got hit in the head with one of his scones. “Ow!!! Bloody hell Francis! That hurt!”

“YOU LOST THE ORB OF POWER AMIGO” Spain was quickly reverting into his conquistador mode.

“Oh shit” said France sagely as he quickly got as far as he could from Spain. (when Antonio got that look in his eye things tended to get broken)

“Look I didn’t _mean_ to lose it! And it isn’t really lost I just don’t quite know where it is….”

The look Spain, France and Scotland gave him could have curdled milk.

With a sigh England stood up “I mean it follow me I have a map”

Making sure he stayed a safe distance away from Spain (who still looked to be in a smashing mood) he led them to the library. Standing on a step stool he stood on tip toe to reach a dusty length of paper on one of the top shelves sneezing as the dust flew everywhere.

Motioning the others to sit he laid it on the table and unrolled it. It was a map. A hastily drawn and very inaccurate one (England had never been good at map making) but a map none the less. A map with three locations. Looking at it Spain and France looked murderous. Scotland looked bored having obviously seen it before. “So I got drunk fine. But at least I kindda made a map of where a put it…I mean its somewhere here” he waved his had at the map. The only thing is when I woke up hung-over and shit I was injured enough to where I didn’t want to go back and check. I mean do you want to ask the northern dragon if he by chance has the orb of doom?”

France started beating his head on the table.

Spain just looked disappointed in England “You are an idiot quierdo” he said tiredly looking the map over. “You left the orb of doom either with a dragon, in a volcano lair, or in Russia? Really England how could you?”

“I was drunk!” England snapped quiet fed up with people being upset with him. “haven’t you done stupid things while drunk”

“None this stupid”

France coughed something that sounded like “Spanish civil war”

That was when Prussia crashed through the window shrieking something about how “THE RING OF POWER IS MINE”

England wanted a drink. Maybe 10 actually but wait isn’t that how he got into this in the first place? With a sigh he got up and made sure Scotland didn’t murder Prussia while Wales and America burst in demanding to know what was going on. (Wales then procceded to shriek about how Prussia had ruined his workmanship as he had done the paneling on the windows.) Grabbing America’s elbow England dragged him aside “Alfred is there any beer left on the porch?"

Looking positivly gleeful at the chaos around them Alfred nodded.

 _"Good"_ England said as he watched Prussia and Spain start dueling (where had they got the swords he wondered). "I'm going to need it" 

 


End file.
